It's Been A While, But I'm Ready To Blog! This One Is About My Latest Trip to Belize!

I Ain't No Travelin' Fool! Watch Out Belizean Boyz!!!!

I had five days off work, free miles with American Airlines, and just got out of a relationship. Need I say more? I just wanted to get away from it all....and quick!

After searching online for where my miles could take me, and repeatedly getting disappointed because everything was fully booked for Memorial weekend, my father said, "Hey, what about Belize? It's relatively close and has those mountains that you so like and beautiful waters." Lo and behold, Belize was open for my booking! So I booked, read the Belize Lonely Planet in 2 days and went with nothing but a backpack.

No, I am not your typical backpacker. I managed to squeeze 2 pairs of high heels and two sexy party dresses just in case. My Bobby Brown makeup and Chanel Lip gloss made it in there too.

As soon as I boarded the ferry from Belize City to Ambergris Caye, I met these pretty good looking locals that were snazzy dressers and were hitting on me. They said they were djs and knew how to party. They would introduce me to the local clubs where they played and show me a good time. Good time?!! Well, that is what I was there for. What erases old bad memories better than creating new good ones?

So the boys, Jamir and "Soldier Boy" hooked me up with a cheap hotel on the beach and took me to one of their local daytime hangouts. Oh what a joy! A breezy thatched roof bar tucked away from all the tourist traps overlooking a lagoon. We watched the sunset and drank pints of draft beer. Me and the locals boyz! Not a care in the world and talking about sweet nothings.

In Ambergris Caye you have golf carts and crappy short vans as means of local transportation. Jamir managed to get rid of his friends and take me back to my hotel. He proceeded to place his hand on my leg and was starting to get fresh. The American in me couldn't help but ask how old he was.....21! Whoa, my birthday is around the corner and my tush is going to be a ripe 33. I let him get his innocent thrills and thanked him for a fun time as I tried to get out as quickly as possible.
Little did I know that that would be the theme of my trip...GET OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

During the next couple of days I squeezed in a wonderful bicycle ride around the whole island, met a wonderful Polish couple, went fishing, swam across lagoons and
just chilled. I managed to finish a book about manifestation within those 5 days as well. I tried to manifest myself a million bucks and a beau hunk! HAHA!

So, the day before the last, Jamir told me that he would have his friend take me on his speedboat and show me a good time around the gorgeous azure waters of Belize. We had rum punch at a local bar while waiting for soldier boy to arrive. Little by little, Jamir's friends started popping up at this bar and before I knew it, there were 6 of us ready to go for this supposedly private boat ride. I'm a gamer and ready for a good time. Heck, I even paid for a whole crate of beer. All 6 of us hopped on the boat, drank beers, hit deserted beaches, frolicked in the waters and even topped the short two hour trip with a little conch hunting. Fun times!

Fun times until Soldier Boy and Jamir asked me to pay for the trip! I knew that tourists were always being duped into paying for unprofessional tours, but I am not a typical tourist. I am a savvy international traveler who has scaled the walls in China escaping Chinese police and partied in Bangkok with a ring of escorts and a major butchy ringleader. I offered credit card payment knowing that they didn't have a means to process it and then let them know that tomorrow I would have the cash ready.

While riding my bicycle later that evening, Soldier Boy texted me and told me that I owed him a hundred bucks. WHAT?! WHATEVER! What am I, a sugar mamma?! I was supposed to provide beer and a fun time for 6 strangers?! You have to be kidding me!

The following morning, I was rudely awakened at 6am by a knock on the door. My heart was racing. I knew who it was....SOLDIER BOY! He wanted his 100 dollars! I stayed quiet and didn't move. Every time I did move, I heard a knock on the door. Oh shit! To make it worse, the electricity kept on going on and off. So I was sweating in this shitty room, trying to tip toe around and pack up my shit. Three hours passed. Soldier Boy would knock every half hour. When 9am struck, I decided to call the local airline that provided $50 rides to the international airport on the mainland.

I booked a 10am flight and took my Lonely Planet out to map out my course to the landing strip. Thankfully it was only two blocks away. I pressed my ear against the door and waited until I didn't hear anything. I was pressed for time and knew I had to leave soon. I also knew that Soldier Boy would think that I was going to take the ferry boat back as I did to get there. HA FOOLED! I put my backpack on, left my stinky Puma's there for the next poor soul and opened the door and ran down the stairs. Trying to be the responsible person that I am, I still went to the front desk, or should I say side closet, to return my keys. THEY ARE ALL RELATED! The front desk girl gave me a mean glare and told me that I needed to pay someone money for a boat ride. I told her that it wasn't any of her concern and ran like hell.

I ran like Forest Gump until I reached the crappy landing strip and looked around for any suspicious characters. No sign of Soldier Boy or Jamir and Co. My little plane was boarding and I got on like a villain. I MADE IT! No sign of the local playaz and I was homebound. YIPEEEE! While safe and sound in the little 10 passenger plane, I looked down below at the more than gorgeous waters and sighed with relief. What an adventure. I went out with a bang! New memories!

So if you are heartbroken and lamenting over lost lovers, book yourself a trip and have yourself a scandalous time. If you need any tips, feel free to shoot me an e-mail. This is better than any self-help book or crying over your girlfriends' shoulders. I now feel refreshed and ready for my next adventure.

They don't make them like they used to!

Seriously, are there any cheesy teenage romance movies that can top those of the 80s and 90s!? I remember films like Welcome to 16, Girls Just Want To Have fun, Just One of the Guys, North Shore, etc. The music soundtrack was always good and the feel good moments were amazing! Now you have movies using pop stars and sleezy skanks with no sense of humor and totally lacking that "je ne sais qua!"

I saw this artist's rendition of that infamous last scene of 16 candles and melted! A cheesy version of a total cheesy yet beautiful moment. Ahhhhhhhh! I can almost hear it now..."if you were here" by the Thompson Twins playing softly in the background as Jake and Molly (I forgot her movie name) kiss.

Oh So Unique! Bliss Lau Handbags!!

I have been using the same Bliss Lau handbag for a long long time. I love it, my friends love it, but I think that it is time for another. I currently carry the purple and gold mini accordion. The bag that I have been eye-balling is the large suspension tote. The design is so simple, and so striking! Designer Bliss Lau's inspiration for this collection came from a walk over New York's Brooklyn Bridge.

I must admit, this bag "takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'." I know that firsthand. Although ultra feminine and stylish in appearance, it can hold up to a lot of abuse. Yes, I know my choice of words are a bit severe, but I'm not so nice to my stuff, and it has held up incredibly well!

So if you are looking for a fresh new handbag with individual style, check out www.blisslau.com!!

Diet Fish

Okay folks, I have the ultimate weight loss plan. Last weekend I grilled some fish with my dear old friend Victoria Recano, and was oh so surprised with the outcome.
We wanted to make something healthy and succulent that would satisfy the rabid hunger of an Asian clan, but would also run right through our system. The answer is fish and spinach. Fish is full of protein and spinach, well, spinach doesn't care to stay too long in your colon. (safer than olestra, if you know what I mean).

Simple reciple: fish; 1 branzini, 1 lemon, 1 orange, 1 head of garlic, freshly ground salt and pepper.

Spinach: 1 bag of frozen chopped spinach (cooks faster and doesn't yield 1 tsp of spinach like freshly cooked spinach does), 1 shallot, 4 cloves of fresh garlic, S&P to taste.

Directions: Turn grill to medium-high heat. Mince garlic and slice orange and lemon. Cut slits on top and bottom of fish. S&P inside of fish and outside and then rub garlic on the inside of belly and on the outside. Place lemon and orange slices into the belly of fish and into the slits. Grill for 8-10 minutes on each side.

The spinach is easy. Simply mince the shallots and garlic and sautee in medium heat in pan. Add the thawed out spinach and stir in some S&P. This needs no more than 5 minutes to cook.

Once fish and spinach are done, simply place fish on platter and spoon the spinach onto both sides and VOILA! Done! Nutritious, healthy and wipes out the colon in no time. You'll feel like brand new!

Specs on Branzini: Whole Mediterranean branzini, also known as Mediterranean sea bass, have a white flaky meat and a mildly sweet flavor. Great baked or broiled, the branzini’s firm and tasty white flesh holds up especially well on the grill!

Globe Trekker or Lonely Planet?

This morning I woke up to my all time favorite show Globe Trekker...or Lonely Planet...? One in the same I guess. If you are not familiar with this program it gives you a bird's eye view of different parts of the world and does it in a very artistic/modern/urban manner. I don't know how they do it, but it sure beats all the other travel shows out there where you have someone too full of themselves (Anthony Bordain) or cheesy (Samantha Brown). Sorry guys, not that your show isn't interesting, but just not my personal preference.

Anywho, this morning's show had Ian Wright ham it up in Jamaica, while Justine Shapiro was in the Dominican Republic chillin' with the locals and eating a fried guinea pig (okay I think I got that mixed up with an episode in Peru). There was some other chica having an interlude with a shamen spitting whiskey out of his mouth to cleanse her spirit. She must have had high tolerance or a poker face because he took his whiskey spittle and rubbed it into her skin. As if spitting wasn't enough.

I guess if you haven't watched this show before, my aforehand description probably isn't the most appealing. Nevertheless, I LOVE THIS SHOW. If given the opportunity to be one of the hosts, I would say "yes" in a heartbeat! I even love the opening themesong. If anyone from Pilot Productions reads this please feel free to consider Madamejen!!! Don't worry, I do my own makeup and can stay a night or two in a yurt!

Duran Duran and Doogie Howser....and Larry Birkhead

Woo Hoo! I know that this post is a bit late, but I have been a wee bit busy. Busy trying to forget some of the things I saw at the Emmy's after party with Entertainment Tonight and People magazine. Well, okay, I have to admit, I did have a great time. I went with Victoria Recano's entourage. Unfortunately she was not able to make it herself since she was called at the last minute to Las Vegas to do the OJ Simpson story. There wasn't much of a story that day since he was in jail-o that whole day.

Anyway, I did enjoy the plethora of free food which had the secret theme ingredient of Red Onions! Seriously, almost everything in the buffet had either little chunks of red onion or big chunks. I managed to avoid the little demons so as to have fresh breath just in case....just in case I should happen to dance next to Larry Birkhead and Neil Patrick Harris a.k.a DOOGIE HOWSER!!! Seriously, sometime during my time searching for the original band members of Duran Duran, I spotted a familiar face dancing and realized it was Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Daddy! Hmmmm, he didn't seem too sad that night. I guess he was also preoccupied with trying to find the original Duranians besides Simon.

As my vision cleared from the blur of the DNA donor to Dannielynn, my eyes soon after landed upon my childhood tv prodigy DOOGIE HOWSER! Albeit surreal, it was fun. It was just like the good old times....Duran Duran and Doogie! Who could ask for anything more? Well, I can, because I am a glutton. After having enough of the oldies but goodies, I went upstairs to soothe my ears with a little Dave Coz. His sax was crooning out some jazzy tunes that went oh so well with the ambiance of free Maybelline handouts and Jon Voight! Yes he was there along with William H. Macy, some "has been" on the bachelor, some guy whose brother is famous for calling Lindsay Lohan a "fire crotch," and Miss Jay Alexander. Fun times!

Most of the night was a blur besides that since the alcohol was flowing...hey who can give up a free drink? Nonetheless, I do remember Victoria trying to introduce me to Tori Spelling and catching a glimpse of Vanessa Williams scoring some red onion laden food at the buffet line. I should have warned her about the onions.

The highlight of the night was of course the beloved GIFT BAG. Although it was very heavy and probably going to cause a delay with the LAX's airport security. I had to get what I came for....and that was more Maybelline, a book that made me want to stop eating things with faces called "Skinny Bitch," and loads of other muy importante freebies!!!

Sporting A Purse While Clubbing Is LAME!

If you are heading out to a club with intentions of dancing, PLEASE, for the love of God, do not hold a purse while trying to "shake your money maker!" It not only looks lame, but inhibits one from truly being able to lose oneself in the beat. Here is a photo of a belt I designed which not only looks cool, but is functional. It is the Zhen-U.N.'s jet settin' version of the fannypak.

"Kick" - $285 @ www.zhenun.com